Self Compassion.
How do you talk to yourself? Do you ever notice and reflect on how you talk to yourself? We all have an inner voice and we all think about ourselves in certain ways.
When we practice mindfulness we are trying to accept and be aware of events as they are rather than as we wish them to be. We are trying to remove our judgements about situations, ourselves and others. Our bias can be at the root of a lot of our suffering. When we step back and observe, removing the bias we can have greater clarity and peace in our lives.
Patanjali, who is known as the Father of Yoga, wrote the ‘Yoga Sutras’ around 400AD. They define yoga as a way to get mastery of the mind. In this way yoga can be seen as a path towards liberation. I would say that most people would like to feel less stressed and have more inner peace and calm.
So what steps can we take to start this journey towards more contentment and happiness especially if we are feeling challenged?
I start by looking at judgement. I think judgement is hard and rigid and makes its mind up quickly. I think the opposite of judgement is self-compassion. Self-compassion feels warm and soft, open and kind. Often we find it easy to extend compassion to others but not always so easy to offer it to ourselves.
Along this path we build our muscles of resilience, gaining the ability to respond to distressing events in a positive, flexible and effective way. We seek wise options that will help us. We begin to shift our brain from negativity, reactivity and contraction, towards openness to a bigger picture.
I behave differently now, rather than allowing the critic to jump in and berate me and call me names. I am more likely to pause and place a hand over my heart, this one small gesture releases oxytocin and helps to cultivate warm feelings towards myself.
I will empathize my experience acknowledge what is happening, “This situation is difficult” and I’ll name any emotion attached to it. Suffering is part of our shared human experience, how we react to life events can deepen our suffering further.
I find using affirmations can help in shifting our mindset and inner chatter. Instead of allowing the inner critic free reign offering ourselves words of loving compassion can really change things. Such as “May I be kind to myself in this moment.” “May I give myself all the compassion I need.” “I am doing my best.”
Words like this can help us move away from a default way of thinking into a new way of being and relating to ourselves. Practicing this over and again helps us to change stubborn habits. Making the connection to our innate goodness is vital in this shift.
I look at the mind like it is a stage. The thoughts we have as characters in a play called life. I watch to see who is turning up, first thing in the morning and throughout the day.
Observe and notice when the ‘inner critic’ has entered stage right in your life and begins to reel off the same old lines. Step in as the ‘Director’ and say “Cut!”. This gives you the opportunity to bring in a new ‘protagonist’ that can improvise and reframe the old lines, changing the negatives to positives.
Lastly, I like to spend a short amount of time at the end of the day to write in a journal. You can try this too and see how it helps. Write down who showed up on stage today? What did they say and how did they act? How did it feel to observe this? How did you reframe any of their negative talk? Our suffering can become the tool for insight and transformation.
The health benefits gained from practising self compassion are well researched and here are just a few, it enhances feelings of self worth, it fosters resilience, and lowers symptoms of anxiety and depression.
I hope that you find these tips helpful. Are there other ways in which you offer yourself compassion? I’d love to hear how you got on with them or if you have any questions about any of this.
I am offering you this lovely self-compassion yoga nidra to help you on this journey.
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Self compassion yoga nidra
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Grace
